My soulmate: (701): A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He’s a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage,...
Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk? - The Mad Hatter, Alice...
The Lindsay Lohan
I love it when people act like they don’t understand why the rest of the world may hate our country. We have a game show in our country called survivor. That’s a game in our country… where you can win a million dollars for surviving for 30 days in a place where people already live! - Daniel Tosh, Completely Serious
Just had my dad bring up our old Xbox to my condo. By old, I mean the original Xbox monstrosity, and all of our old games. Currently playing Scooby-Doo. Life is good :)
The curse of having a smart phone: when it vibrates and you think you got a text, but it’s actually just a stupid email.
Hahahaha, an even better meme. All in good fun people… no religious attacks please. Click the images for more!
Socially Awkward Penguin
Funny Internet meme. Click the images for more!
Craigslist personals are fucking hilarious.
Best part is right at the end. Bahaha
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and...
(615): I just called my mom ‘Napoleon bronaparte’. I need to stop hanging out with you. (502): Sober Sundays just aren’t working out anymore. (443): i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig. (602): One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them (210): Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling...
When you hear an old song...
mhouser: imnevergoodenough: At first you’re like, OH MY GOD, I remember this! As the song goes on, you’re like, I forgot how much I loved this song! Then you start boppin to it like: THIS IS MY SHIT! THIS IS MY SHIT! Then the song is in your head all day and you cant stop dancing to it, like: YESSS.
I find it amusing that Craigslist posters repeatedly advertise that apartments or rooms for rent are “bright and sunny.” I essentially do everything in my power to block out all light from my bedroom. Advertise a CAVE to me.
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Just started reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo… slow thus far, but I’ve heard good things, so I must press on. Goodnight, Internet. I’m going to read a book. (That’s supposed to make me feel better about my life.)
I am smitten by photography. I cannot say I love it; it’s too much trouble...
Standing in the checkout line at Target, a mother and her son, in line behind me, are getting a real kick out of something. Their laughter seems… secretive? You might call it a “snigger.” Naturally, like every other self-conscious human being, I assume they’re laughing at me. I happen to be wearing my big ‘ol hipster glasses that serve absolutely no purpose in aiding...
Well-behaved women rarely make history. - Marilyn Monroe
Well, you don’t know what we can find Why don’t you come with me...